It has been a joy and blessing to have lead Restoration Path for this season of its ministry. As I look back over the years of ministry I am grateful to have been invested in so many different clients lives.
In sports, you are taught to have a short term memory regarding your mistakes and failures. If you keep looking back at those mistakes then you can’t see the challenges in front of you. The same is true regarding our sin. When we keep looking back at our failures and sins then we stop moving forward and begin to live in regret. Paul commanded the church at Philippi to press forward. …
The wife of a sexual addict is often the most misunderstood victim that exists in the church today. Her world is filled with a sense of absolute betrayal. She feels betrayed by the man she committed her life to and often feels betrayed by God. Her world is one of varied emotions. They range from total despair to rage in a matter of moments. Her world is often consumed by guilt, shame and embarrassment. She often blames herself for not seeing “the warning signs” of her husband’s secret sin. Most often she feels alone in her struggle and afraid to share her plight because of how others may respond or how it will affect her children and the family’s reputation in the church.
Everyone’s relationship with their sexual sin is unique and different. In the case of the sex addict he will develop unique lies and distortions that will protect this secret relationship. This protection occurs because of 2 primary reasons. He likes his sexual sin and he lacks the ability to deal with the reality of his sin. He likes his sexual sin because it feels good and it meets some core needs. When a sexual addict sees an attractive person and that person smiles at him, his first thought is “that person wants to have sex with me.” With this thought and look, the addict’s brain releases chemicals that make him feel good. Each time he takes that intoxicating look, his relationship with his sexual sin is reinforced. Something that feels this good must be protected. At the same time, the addict is subtly addressing the core need of being wanted. Most sexual addicts carry around core need deficiencies. The longer he carries these deficiencies, the more desperate he will become to fill this void. In a lot of cases the addict is not aware of these voids because he never had them met to begin with. Let’s go back to the original thought. “That attractive person wants to have sex with me.” Each time the addict takes in this message he is attempting to fill the need of being wanted. Originally, this need was non-sexual but became sexualized through the constant input of sexual thoughts and images. Because these thoughts address some very important needs, he must protect his sexual sin.
Romans 5: 3-4 teaches us that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character and character produces hope. If we are consistently trying to bypass pain/suffering then we may miss the blessings that follow. The trials and tribulations of life will wound us and cause pain. My father was part of what has been referred to as the greatest generation. He experienced the hardships of growing up during the Great Depression and fighting in World War II. God gave him and many others of this period the ability to persevere. The character that comes through perseverance produces people of integrity and principle. Principles are things that are worth fighting and sometimes dying for. Integrity is the actions that we take when no one is looking. If we consistently seek out the bypass for Painville then we become a people that lack perseverance and character.
Meek is not the same as weak. Kevin Durant is a not a weak or timid basketball player. He is confident and courageous in his duties on the court. He does, however, know who he is and where his real worth and identity come from. He is a solid devoted Christian believer that knows that all gifts and praises go to his Maker and Creator. From that knowledge and foundation he walks out his life with meekness and humility. We need more courageous men to step up to the plate and walk out the (that) Godly role model. You don’t have to be a sports hero to be a role model. You don’t even have to be perfect. You may be in a place of realizing you have failed regarding your sexual sin. You can still be that humble role model. You can model to those around you what true restoration looks like. We really don’t get to choose whether we are a role model or not. We do get to choose whether we are a Godly one or a worldly one. Choose.
This is a sample of a phone conversation I have had several times throughout the years.
“Hello, my name is Mary Smith and my husband is Joe Smith. I don’t know if you remember my husband but you did an intensive with him about a year ago.”
“Sure, I remember him. How is he doing?”
“Well, he was doing great after he came back from visiting with you but over time he has just gone back to being his old self.”
I remember a colleague of mine at a treatment center I worked at years ago commonly made the comment that we don’t see enough people blushing or weeping over their sin. Weeping is a direct representation of repentance because of one’s sinful nature and the need for God to fill one’s heart. We should allow ourselves to feel the pain of what our sin has done. That is part of the grieving process as well. We should be able to grieve over the consequences of what sin has done. If all you do is smile after you realize what sin has done you haven’t been truly honest. This weeping is part of the shame process from original sin.