Warning Signs of the Sexually Addicted Male

The following traits tend to characterize the sexually addicted male:

  • No close male friendships
  • Mood swings, i.e. from excited to depressed
  • Increase in anger outbursts
  • Always scanning the room or roaming eyes
  • Lacks accountability in work and personal life
  • Decrease in sex drive
  • Demanding of sex
  • Lots of unaccountable time
  • Tends to zone out or lose focus in conversations
  • Poor attention span
  • Overly friendly with females
  • In group settings, tends to be drawn towards females for conversation
  • Loss of sleep or appetite
  • Type A or driven personality
  • Isolates or seen as loner
  • People pleaser
  • Poor eye contact
  • Avoids or changes the topics of conversation that lead toward being vulnerable
  • Dishonest in numerous areas
  • Mood swings before and after sexual activity
  • Believes that sex equals intimacy
  • Uses other means of escaping or medicating
  • Controlling of the finances
  • Very controlling of his wife and children
  • Always has to have the last word
  • Very passive and usually in relationship with a strong female
  • Struggles with fears of failure, rejection and or abandonment

It is almost impossible to recognize the addict in a crowded room. Sexual addiction can be kept secret for many years before it is ever discovered. It is important to remember that this addiction is characterized by lies and deception; accordingly, most addicts will minimize, intellectualize, excuse and reduce the effects of their addiction. They must come to a point of brokenness before their healing can began. At the core of this addiction is a tremendous load of shame and guilt. The addict needs direct honesty that does not shame or condemn, as well as a safe environment that promotes healing and restoration.

© 2008 David Jones. Used by permission.