The Top Ten Lies Sex Addicts tell Themselves
By J. David Jones, MS
Everyone’s relationship with their sexual sin is unique and different. In the case of the sex addict he will develop unique lies and distortions that will protect this secret relationship. This protection occurs because of 2 primary reasons. He likes his sexual sin and he lacks the ability to deal with the reality of his sin. He likes his sexual sin because it feels good and it meets some core needs. When a sexual addict sees an attractive person and that person smiles at him, his first thought is “that person wants to have sex with me.” With this thought and look, the addict’s brain releases chemicals that make him feel good. Each time he takes that intoxicating look, his relationship with his sexual sin is reinforced. Something that feels this good must be protected. At the same time, the addict is subtly addressing the core need of being wanted. Most sexual addicts carry around core need deficiencies. The longer he carries these deficiencies, the more desperate he will become to fill this void. In a lot of cases the addict is not aware of these voids because he never had them met to begin with. Let’s go back to the original thought. “That attractive person wants to have sex with me.” Each time the addict takes in this message he is attempting to fill the need of being wanted. Originally, this need was non-sexual but became sexualized through the constant input of sexual thoughts and images. Because these thoughts address some very important needs, he must protect his sexual sin.