Excerpts from: 10 Truths Wives Need to Know

Excerpts from: 10 Truths Wives Need to Know

Living with a sexually addicted spouse

By J. David Jones, MS

The wife of a sexual addict is often the most misunderstood victim that exists in the church today. Her world is filled with a sense of absolute betrayal. She feels betrayed by the man she committed her life to and often feels betrayed by God. Her world is one of varied emotions. They range from total despair to rage in a matter of moments. Her world is often consumed by guilt, shame and embarrassment. She often blames herself for not seeing “the warning signs” of her husband’s secret sin. Most often she feels alone in her struggle and afraid to share her plight because of how others may respond or how it will affect her children and the family’s reputation in the church.

When a sex addict’s sin is exposed within the church, the focus and attention is often squarely focused upon the addict. This intense focus is warranted in the early stages of his recovery and healing. His sin has been exposed and he is at the center of the chaos and crisis. This crisis of his addiction needs to be stabilized.

In the past several years many books, workbooks and programs have been developed to address the needs of the sexual addict. Very few books, workbooks and programs have been developed to address the spouse’s needs. Because of this intense focus upon the addict and the lack of resources or guidance for helping the spouse, she is often left to fend for herself.


About David Jones

David is a Memphis native and lives with his wife of 25 years and two children. David has a Master’s Degree in Counseling from the University of Memphis. He has worked in mental health for over 30 years with adolescents and adults in inpatient, outpatient, and residential settings. For the past 15 years David’s primary focus has been working with men and their spouses in intensive sexual addiction workshops.

One Response to “Excerpts from: 10 Truths Wives Need to Know”

  1. Delores July 31, 2012 7:34 pm #

    Well, its been about five years since I discovered my husband’s addiction to sex and one April 30, 2012 he decided to stop fighting against his desires, I guess and move in with someone 1/2 his age and declared that God told him to divorce me because of the pain I’ve caused him over the years. I want to stop fighting but he insist on doing everything he can to get out of the marriage without paying alimony and have decided that his new life is worth everything. Our sons are adults but none the less horrified…….thanks be to God I have a great pastor, therapist and really good friends. I’m willing to forgive and start a plan of recovery but he doesn’t seem to want that. A really good book is “I don’t love you anymore, What a spouse should do?” Dr. Burke. I’m really believing God for a miracle because I finally agree with God that I Hate divorce. I also hate adultery. It all hurts so badly that sometimes it feels like someone is punching me in my stomach with a fist. The rejection is cruel and the feeling that my life partner ‘just might not recover is so hurtful! I’m angry and doing all that I can to protect our family inheritance and he is doing everything he can to protect this new relationship…….Im believing God for a miracle and that the spirit of division, hurt, and pain will leave our lives. I gave my husband your information just before he left because I could tell that he was struggling really bad…. but I didn’t know he was planning to move in with someone. Please pray for me and what’s left of our family. Thank you.

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