Defining Fatherhood

Today’s post is also the main article for the Restoration Path June 2012 Newsletter. You can also download the PDF of our newsletter here.

Defining Fatherhood

The term father is defined: ‘To be the creator, founder, or author of; originate.’ (dictionary. reference.com/browser/father).

Many people struggle with sexual sin because of an absent or abusive father. Therefore, it would only make good sense that a remedy, not an instant cure, for that pain is to call on your true Father.

God is our Heavenly Father. He created Adam to take on the role of father as he passed on the blessing of giving him the earth to live in and subdue it, Genesis 1:28. Fathers have a great opportunity to bless their children. We can speak life into their lives. This is not simply done in verbal tones. We can do that by how we listen, engage with your wife, their mother (divorced or not), how we conduct our finances, spending habits, paying our tithes. How we respond to negative situations in public and if we pray with our children. We, as dads, have a great opportunity to impact our kids for the better.

We speak lies into their lives as well. This can be what we say, how we respond, how we live such as cheating on our taxes or other areas where we are inconsistent.

Unfortunately, many men are not engaged with their children. The lack of a father’s presence breeds a lack of morality in the home. This is not about being aggressive, but everything to do with a man being submitted to God and communicating to his children what God is communicating to him. We are to humbly speak truth. Dads have a responsibility to show their children the right ways to walk without hypocrisy. We as fathers have the opportunity for our lives to be a conduit into every facet of life our children live. When you are in the same room with your child the quantity and quality time with them are both important. When you are with your children, are you able to have a conversation with them, on their level? Do you talk to them about what interests them? Do you identify things in their world for ways you can teach them? Don’t be sarcastic or negative. It may seem silly and often is, but making faces or comments doesn’t make you look better, it tears them down. Our daily decisions should be based on this.

Many that have struggled with sexual sin have stated to me how they are angry at religion as well. I am grateful Jesus was willing to point out the religion of the day that was damaging to many. And it’s always interesting to me how much that reflects what we see today. As a way of countering what is the right thing to do in religion, James offers us some insight in his letter. As James 1:27 states: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” What do orphans and widows have in common? Neither one have a masculine leader in their life. Again, what tone does the man set in the home? The morality status, discipline. Men are to be there for their families, not just to bring in more materialism but to interact and engage with the world of those they are most influencing. So if you are doing that, God bless you!

Unfortunately, many of the men I talk to have been frustrated with the level of conferences that only focus on men needing to step up to the plate. How many more times will we see a man yell from the pulpit, “MAN UP!” Maybe there should be a disclaimer for conferences that want to offer that as the goal of the conference. I understand many men have fallen asleep at the wheel, but this is real life. We are to live and teach, live and teach, and live and teach as leaders. Restoration Path offers resources to specifically target for men and their families how to deal with sexual sin. We offer this because we have seen the benefit of many men that have been willing to admit their sin and walk in truth and purity.

Many of the men I am around are doing what a leader should be doing. No, they aren’t all perfect, far from it. But what they are doing is striving for excellence, what every man should be doing. So, if you are doing what is best for you and your family, allow yourself to feel some accomplishment. I state this because some men live under the condemnation that they are never doing enough. The fact is they are doing enough and understand what to do well. So don’t listen to the enemy’s lies that you aren’t perfect. None of us are.

Many people know who their biological father is but have been robbed of this relationship because of an absent dad. Divorce is one area that we see in our culture where dads have been removed from the home. Many of the baby boomers felt this with dads trying to provide over and above materially what a family really needs and is therefore out of the home more often than should be. I don’t remember the material items so much as my dad actually taking me to practice or games.

I used to have a bad attitude about my dad working so much. Then I had to start paying my own bills and understood what it meant to have to provide for my own family. I have also known how many of us men want to fight for our families and many times are looking for that battle to accomplish for those we love. What I recommend is fighting for truth and protecting your family from being polluted by the world as described in James 1:27. There is a great sense of accomplishment and safety everyone in your home feels when others know you are doing for them what they couldn’t have done. That you are looking out for their best interest even when it inconveniences you. That you direct them in ways that are more beneficial, not just easy. With this type of leadership, a dad is creating respect as well. And as the teachings from Edmund Eggrichs describes from Love and Respect, men are created to desire respect, Ephe- sians 5:33. Men appreciate respect in their home from their children as well. Dads, we must earn respect not demand it. Rules without relationship = REBELLION.

At Restoration Path, we stick to the principles in Scripture of repentance and walking in purity and truth for every dad. If you sinned, take the consequences for what they are. After you do accept the consequences, make the necessary steps to set yourself up for success and to not engage in sinful acts again.

REMEMBER: When the father is misplaced, the mom is displaced and God is replaced.

Fathers: reclaim your place in the home. Remember that place is not won by clever arguments or showing others you are tough. Many times claiming the authority in your home is done by active listening and sharing your own faults and other ways God is growing you in His word.

God Bless and Happy Father’s Day!

Tags:

About Tommy Corman

Tommy provides direction and vision for the ministry of Restoration Path. He provides individual counseling for those struggling with sex and drug addiction. He facilitates support groups for struggling individuals and parents. He has served in clinical and ministerial settings for those struggling with addiction issues. Tommy is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor in the State of Tennessee, holds a Master in Biblical Counseling from Trinity Theological Seminary, and a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Crichton College. Tommy and his wife live in Bartlett with their three children.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply